Need VCN's Help Again

Well there are some of you who will remember when I was working on my CV to send out looking for jobs. Well now I am writing a statement for University (College to you Americans, and just school to the European crowd). Well my personal statement looked great on my CV before with your help so I will ask for some assistance again.

Basically this is just the part of my application where I have a change to tell the university about myself and why they should let me in. So just a little different from a CV personal statement. Its really important to me getting accepted so this has to stand out since I lack qualifications others may have.

I would again like help with the grammar, spelling if the spell check missed anything (needs to be in UK English) or anything you think I should add or remove and also my letter writing format.

Your help will be very appreciated . Well here it is:

To whom it may concern,

I have decided to study at university because I want a change of direction in life and a chance to learn new skills. I delayed by application since I finished college because I wanted to be 100% sure on choosing the right course for me, I have always wanted to go to university but just was not sure on what area of study I would wish to focus on. University to me is a big commitment and something not to be taken lightly, I would never apply unless I was extremely serious about working hard and dedicating myself to doing the best I could do. I have grown up a lot since my days at college, I am 22 this year and looking back on my college days wish I had tried harder, this is a mistake I refuse to make again. After a lot of thinking and searching over the past few years, I have come to a conclusion that I would love to learn more about, and have a career in the health and fitness industry. I would love the opportunity to take this course to better my own physical fitness, general health and to learn more about the workings of our bodies and minds, more importantly to have a career helping others achieve happiness and good health.

I would describe myself personally as a unique and friendly person who wants to work hard and better myself and the lives of others. I enjoy computers and gaming and built my own computer from scratch, I also help my friends and family in fixing hardware and software issues on their computers. I also enjoy exercise of all sorts, from training on the punch bag to weight training and lots more, I feel exercise is valuable in every ones life as it makes us feel happier from the chemicals it releases and gives us more energy and just a general better feeling. Another area that interests me is the human mind and enjoy reading about what makes people act in certain ways and also debating and talking about theories or ideas I have about it.

Another reason I would like to attend university is for the opportunity to experience the university life and culture. I feel I am very easy to get along with and have good friends from many different age groups which I feel is important when living in a social environment such as university as it has people from many different ages, countries and backgrounds. This is something I am very much looking forward to, not only the opportunity to expand my mind but to meet new people from all walks of life. My sister is currently attending university studying English Literature and when I visit her I enjoy mixing with a different type of people, a more "intellectual crowd" so to speak.

I hope you will consider my application and look forward to your response.


Sincerely,

Chris Ball

Homicidal.Possum wrote:

Well there are some of you who will remember when I was working on my CV to send out looking for jobs. Well now I am writing a statement for University (College to you Americans, and just school to the European crowd). Well my personal statement looked great on my CV before with your help so I will ask for some assistance again.

Basically this is just the part of my application where I have a change to tell the university about myself and why they should let me in. So just a little different from a CV personal statement. Its really important to me getting accepted so this has to stand out since I lack qualifications others may have.

I would again like help with the grammar, spelling if the spell check missed anything (needs to be in UK English) or anything you think I should add or remove and also my letter writing format.

Your help will be very appreciated . Well here it is:

To whom it may concern,

I have decided to study at university because I want a change of direction in life and a chance to learn new skills. I delayed by application since I finished college because I wanted to be 100% sure on choosing the right course for me, I have always wanted to go to university but just was not sure on what area of study I would wish to focus on. University to me is a big commitment and something not to be taken lightly, I would never apply unless I was extremely serious about working hard and dedicating myself to doing the best I could do. I have grown up a lot since my days at college, I am 22 this year and looking back on my college days wish I had tried harder, this is a mistake I refuse to make again. After a lot of thinking and searching over the past few years, I have come to a conclusion that I would love to learn more about, and have a career in the health and fitness industry. I would love the opportunity to take this course to better my own physical fitness and health and learn more about the workings of our bodies and minds and more importantly have a career helping others achieve happiness and good health.

I would describe myself personally as a unique and friendly person who is wants to work hard and better myself and the lives of others. I enjoy computers and gaming and built my own computer from scratch, I also help my friends and family in fixing hardware and software issues on their computers. I also enjoy exercise of all sorts, from training on the punch bag to weight training and lots more, I feel exercise is valuable in every ones life as it makes us feel happier from the chemicals it releases and gives us more energy and just a general better feeling. Another area that interests me is the human mind and enjoy reading about what makes people act in certain ways and also debating and talking about theories or ideas I have about it.

Another reason I would like to attend university is for the opportunity to experience the university life and culture. I feel I am very easy to get along with and have good friends from many different age groups which I feel is important when living in a social environment such as university as it has people from many different ages, countries and backgrounds. This is something I am very much looking forward to, not only the opportunity to expand my mind but to meet new people from all walks of life. My sister is currently attending university studying English Literature and when I visit her I enjoy mixing with a different type of people, a more "intellectual crowd" so to speak.

I hope you will consider my application and look forward to your response.


Sincerely,

Chris Ball

From Scratch? Nice.

Yeah, been working on it for about an hour

i wish u best of luck crish

Ty

Looks good to me.

Homicidal.Possum wrote:

Well there are some of you who will remember when I was working on my CV to send out looking for jobs. Well now I am writing a statement for University (College to you Americans, and just school to the European crowd). Well my personal statement looked great on my CV before with your help so I will ask for some assistance again.

Basically this is just the part of my application where I have a change to tell the university about myself and why they should let me in. So just a little different from a CV personal statement. Its really important to me getting accepted so this has to stand out since I lack qualifications others may have.

I would again like help with the grammar, spelling if the spell check missed anything (needs to be in UK English) or anything you think I should add or remove and also my letter writing format.

Your help will be very appreciated . Well here it is:

To whom it may concern,

I have decided to study at university because I want a change of direction in life and a chance to learn new skills. I delayed by application since I finished college because I wanted to be 100% sure on choosing the right course for me, I have always wanted to go to university but just was not sure on what area of study I would wish to focus on. University to me is a big commitment and something not to be taken lightly, I would never apply unless I was extremely serious about working hard and dedicating myself to doing the best I could do. I have grown up a lot since my days at college, I am 22 this year and looking back on my college days wish I had tried harder, this is a mistake I refuse to make again. After a lot of thinking and searching over the past few years, I have come to a conclusion that I would love to learn more about, and have a career in the health and fitness industry. I would love the opportunity to take this course to better my own physical fitness, general health and to learn more about the workings of our bodies and minds, more importantly to have a career helping others achieve happiness and good health.

I would describe myself personally as a unique and friendly person who wants to work hard and better myself and the lives of others. I enjoy computers and gaming and built my own computer from scratch, I also help my friends and family in fixing hardware and software issues on their computers. I also enjoy exercise of all sorts, from training on the punch bag to weight training and lots more, I feel exercise is valuable in every ones life as it makes us feel happier from the chemicals it releases and gives us more energy and just a general better feeling. Another area that interests me is the human mind and enjoy reading about what makes people act in certain ways and also debating and talking about theories or ideas I have about it.

Another reason I would like to attend university is for the opportunity to experience the university life and culture. I feel I am very easy to get along with and have good friends from many different age groups which I feel is important when living in a social environment such as university as it has people from many different ages, countries and backgrounds. This is something I am very much looking forward to, not only the opportunity to expand my mind but to meet new people from all walks of life. My sister is currently attending university studying English Literature and when I visit her I enjoy mixing with a different type of people, a more "intellectual crowd" so to speak.

I hope you will consider my application and look forward to your response.


Sincerely,

Chris Ball

I'm not an expert of the language, neither am I from England, but this paragraf didn't sound great to my ears.

Good luck chris, you deserve it=)

This your Personal statement?

- i need to get mine done...

kitch wrote:

This your Personal statement?

- i need to get mine done...

Just copy pasta.

Swifteh wrote:

kitch wrote:

This your Personal statement?

- i need to get mine done...

Just copy pasta.

good idea tbh xD
except edit a little bit :3

kitch wrote:

Swifteh wrote:

kitch wrote:

This your Personal statement?

- i need to get mine done...

Just copy pasta.

good idea tbh xD
except edit a little bit :3

Except if you applied to the same one and they found out,

then you would be fucked and I would have to hunt you down irl for getting it declined lol

Chris <BALL> ahahahah no but srs looking good there mate.